


The Durins Brothers' Dating Service

by theimaginesyouneveraskedfor



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 09:51:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17020419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theimaginesyouneveraskedfor/pseuds/theimaginesyouneveraskedfor
Summary: Fili and Kili conspire to set up their uncle with the reader; both of whom are too oblivious to do more than glare at each other.





	The Durins Brothers' Dating Service

You sat at the edge of camp as usual, you had always been a bit of a loner. You had only come on the quest because Balin had very heavily suggested it. He had played on your pride in order to make you agree to it. He had always treated you so much like a daughter and he had always seen you as better than you really were. One of his points had been that you were one of the most gifted fighters he had ever encountered.

You couldn’t fathom how you had believed him. Thorin and Dwalin were great and they didn’t need some she-dwarf with her short swords in their company. They had more than enough talent already there. It seemed that Balin had fed just as many fanciful arguments to Thorin in getting you on the quest. The king had seemed less than pleased when he first saw you and he never said much. Even Dwalin had been friendlier, he had even told you that you weren’t too bad with your toy swords.

The other dwarves weren’t unfriendly, but it seemed more that they tolerated you than anything. As a relatively quiet person, not many gravitated to you. You only said what needed to be said and often times, even that seemed unnecessary.

You rubbed one of your short blades with a whet stone as you sat atop the dried stump, two shadows neared and you kept your eyes on your work. It was probably just someone checking in on their way to the forest to do their personal duties.

“May we join you?” Kili’s ever chipper voice asked.

“Uh, yes, if you like,” You kept running your stone along the metal.

“You’re not to bad with those,” Fili commented as the two of them sat down.

“I’m alright,” You kept your hand moving.

“How are you with a knife?” Fili leaned sideways, taking a shining silver dagger from his belt.

“I make do,” You answered, looking closer to your gleaming blade as you tested the edge with your finger.

“Why don’t you give it a try? Show us what you can do,” Fili held out the weapon handle first and you looked back suspiciously.

“He’s giving it to you, not trying to skin you with it,” Kili assured you with a friendly smile.

“Can’t do much,” You said as you slowly took the knife from him, weighing it in your grip.

“Go on,” Kili encouraged.

“Well,” You looked around you, absently twirling the knife in your hand as you would for children to entertain them, “I guess I could try for the tree.” You spun it again without realizing, pointing to a tree with an unusual strip of bark missing.

“Oh, sure,” Fili said, “Seems an easy target for you.”

“What?” You looked back at them, both watching the knife twist within your fingers, “Oh, sorry. Old habit.”

“I thought you said you were no good,” Kili looked at you quizically.

“I’m alright, lots better than me out there,” You looked across the camp to Thorin who seemed to be glaring at you, if only for a moment.

You put your own blade aside and gripped the handle of Fili’s, rising from the stump and turning towards the wayward tree. It wasn’t too thin but it wasn’t broad either, it would be easy to miss if you didn’t take your time. You wondered if you had made a bad choice.

You took the knife by the blade, bringing it near your eye as you lined it up with the target. You steadied yourself and pulled your arm back, releasing it in a familiar motion of muscles. The knife stayed true as if it had heard your prayers and it thunked into the tree quietly.

“Not many better than that,” Fili commented as he stood and moved forward, walking across the ground to retrieve his knife.

“You sell yourself short,” Kili said as he stepped up beside you, “Truly.”

“I know what I can do,” You argued, wiping the sweat from your palm, wondering why they were being so nice.

“No, you don’t,” Kili watched his brother as he pulled the knife clear of the bark, “You can do a lot, you just don’t realize it. Usually, one needs to think before they can do.”

“What?” You looked over at him with narrowed eyes, “Is this one of your tricks?”

“No,” He looked at you in surprise, “No, we’re not cruel.”

“What are you bothering her about?” Fili asked as he came back into earshot.

“I was telling her that she’s better than she thinks,” Kili turned back and sat back in the dirt, “But she won’t listen.”

“Come on, [Y/N],” Fili said motioning you back, “We just want to talk.”

You turned around as he sat beside his brother and you felt awkward sitting above them on the stump so you sat in front of it.

“What is it? Is something wrong?” You looked to the two grinning brothers.

“No, not at all,” Kili gave a desperate look, “Not everything is a disaster.”

“We were just curious really,” Fili explained, “You don’t say much and we were wondering why.”

“Besides, we thought you did pretty well against the orcs back there,” Kili praised, it seemed almost genuine.

“I did as much as anyone else,” You protested, picking at the hem of your tunic.

“You very well saved our uncle’s life,” Fili asserted, “If you hadn’t shoved your blade through that orc’s leg, he would’ve taken Thorin’s head off.”

“You do what you have to when it needs to be done,” You explained, “I only did what had to be done.”

“Do you really think no one likes you?” Kili’s questioned nearly made you wince.

“What?” You looked at him incredulous, “No, no. I just keep to myself.”

“Yes, we noticed,” Fili offered, “But you know, it is alright to say something once in a while.”

“I say things,” You frowned.

“Nods are not words,” Kili reproached lightly, “We really only want to be your friends.”

“Friends?” You echoed.

“Yes,” Fili assured you, “You’re the only other here close to our age and we do get bored of each other.”

“Um, I guess that’s alright,” You stopped playing with your hem.

“It’s alright?” Kili laughed, “You sound overjoyed.”

“So, how are you enjoying the journey so far?” Fili leaned forward with a friendly grin, “Have you made any other friends?”

You creased your brow and looked around the rest of the camp, Thorin was glaring again, although you weren’t sure he had any other expression.

“Well, I don’t know,” You looked down at your toes, “I get on fine enough with everyone.”

“But better with us, of course,” Fili smiled, “Or at least you will, once you get to know us.”

“Isn’t much to know about the rest,” Kili added, “Bunch of old men.”

“Ha,” You didn’t mean to chuckle but it just happened.

“Wow, she can laugh,” Kili held out his hand to his brother, “You owe me.”

“Fine,” Fili reached in his pocket and shoved a coin into his brother’s hand, “But I never said she couldn’t, I said you couldn’t make her laugh.”

“I’m the one who laughed, I should get the silver,” You gave a shy smile.

“Oh, and she jokes as well,” Kili held out the silver, “Go ahead, it’s yours. You earned it.”

“Are you sure?” You stared at the ancient coin.

“Yes, I’m sure,” He pushed it forward, “Wouldn’t have gotten it without you.”

“Thanks,” You took it and tucked it into the pouch at your belt, “Maybe I’ll finally be able to set up that farm,” You quipped awkwardly, they laughed but also gave each other an odd look.

“You know, it seems you’re good at anything you put your mind to,” Fili commented, “Once you thought to speak, you did quite well at it.”

“Hmm, maybe to you guys,” You looked up again.

The rest of the dwarves were off in their own chatter, yet Thorin seemed to ignore Dwalin as he glared at you. Was he so angry that he had been saved by a she-dwarf? Not that you’d really saved him, you had only saw an opportunity. It was the way of battle, you kill your enemy.

“The rest of them aren’t too chatty,” Kili explained, “Which is why the three of us should stick together, don’t you think?”

“I suppose,” You looked back to the friendly brothers, “It wouldn’t hurt anything.”

“There she goes again,” Fili laughed lightly, “As optimistic as ever.”

“Leave her alone, Fili,” Kili nudged his brother, “She’s right to be wary of us, well, at least of you.”

“Hey,” His brother elbowed him back.

“So, [Y/N], why don’t you tell us how you learned to use a knife so well?” Kili leaned forward eagerly.

* * *

“You were right, brother,” Fili walked beside his brother, looking at the she-dwarf trailing behind Bofur further up the line, “She is perfect for him.”

“Oh yes, two peas in a pod,” Kili smiled as he always did, “She fights like him, that’s for sure.”

“Yes, I couldn’t say who I’d want to clash with less,” Fili fiddled with one of his braids.

“Nice girl, though,” Kili added, “At least when she hasn’t got a blade in her hand.”

“Not bad looking, either,” Fili looked back to her once more, she gripped the hilt of one of her short swords as she walked up the decline. He wouldn’t have minded a chance with the she-dwarf himself but she reminded him too much of Thorin; except for her curves.

“No, not at all,” Kili nudged his brother out of his stare, “But her looks are the least of it.”

“Oh, I don’t think so,” Fili commented as they began up the steep hill, “I’ve seen him looking at her.”

“So have I,” Kili agreed, “I told him there was an orc in my bedroll and he just nodded.”

“And she looks at him, though she seems less fond of him,” Fili hiked up his pack, “Though, he hasn’t given her much reason to be.”

“Just look at them right now,” Kili motioned towards the front of the line.

They looked around the bodies to see their uncle picking up a coin from the ground, the coin Kili had awarded [Y/N] the night before. It must have slipped from her belt; if it had, Thorin had to have been watching her closely to notice. He tapped her shoulder awkwardly and she looked at him with her guarded expression. She took the coin with a mumbled thank you before she continued on, their uncle had been smiling until she had turned back. Well, the closest thing they had seen to a smile in a long time.

“I don’t even think he knows it,” Kili said with a chuckle.

“She certainly doesn’t,” Fili wiped some sweat from his brow, “She’s absolutely oblivious.”

“Why don’t we catch up with her?” Kili offered, “I hate walking behind Bombur and we got to keep laying the ground work.”

“You’re right, neither of them will ever figure it out on their own,” Fili followed his brother as he side-stepped the line, “We’ll be in Erebor before they even look at each other at the same time.”

* * *

“So, how is it going?” Fili asked as he and his brother stepped up beside you.

“Well, I am soaked in sweat from walking all day,” You answered as you held onto your sword pommel, “Like everyone else.”

You hadn’t meant to sound rude, but you were hot and your boot’s sole had decided that it was time to start disintegrating. Besides, you had nearly lost the coin you had won and Thorin had glowered at you darkly as he returned it, looking as if you had stolen it from his own pocket. You could not figure out what you had done to make him so distrustful.

“Maybe we made a mistake in getting you to talk more,” Kili said, but he laughed with delight.

“You two talk enough for three,” You gave a small grin.

You looked ahead, following Dwalin who was leading the train of dwarves. Thorin had fallen behind again after he gave you the coin and you wondered if he had gone out of his way just to glare at your back. You were sure he could garner enough spite for such a low gesture.

“We should make camp soon,” Kili offered, “It will start to darken.”

“Yes, and I should be glad of it,” Fili swept back a stray hair, “I slept on a rather large stone last night.”

“Hopefully, we pass a river,” You pulled your tunic away from your sweat-soaked skin, “I’ll need to wash this before it starts to smell.”

“A river doesn’t sound bad,” Kili sighed, and you noticed him give a look to his brother.

“Not at all,” Fili agreed with a grin, “I’m sure most wouldn’t argue with some cool water.”

“Sitting down would be a blessing in itself,” You added as you wiped sweat from your palm.

“What a sad life you must have had to count such meagre blessings,” Kili commented with a chuckle and you laughed yourself. It was unbelievable how delightful it sounded to just be able to stop moving your legs.

Fili looked back as [Y/N] and Kili were laughing, sensing an unnatural heat pointed his way. He spotted his uncle angrily staring at [Y/N], well actually, he was glaring at Kili, his own nephew. Thorin’s face was a pained grimace which had nothing to do with the weight he carried or the sun beating down. Fili could tell just by looking at him.

“Or you know what would cool us off?” You said as you were trying to think of relief, “There is dirt everywhere. We just have to dig in and maybe spread some mud on ourselves.”

“Oh, you would have us walking around like bog monsters with dirt on our faces?” Fili mused with a laugh, though he was truly amused by the look on his uncle’s face.

“You’ve already enough on your face that no one would notice,” You replied with a grin, talking made you forget how hot your were.

“Wow, that’s harsh,” Fili feigned offence as the ground finally flattened, a broad clearing with clustered tree opened before you.

“I thought you knew,” You laughed again, but it was curtailed as Kili stumbled into you.

Thorin had pushed roughly past his nephew as if he hadn’t seen him and you all quit your giggles. Was he mad that you were actually happy? Or was he mad that you had the gull to associate with his own blood?

“I think this is far enough for the day,” You heard him growl at Dwalin, “It is much too hot to keep going.”

“Alright,” Dwalin shouted back to the train, “Have a rest, you lot.”

“Ah, finally,” The brothers led you over to a shady spot under a tree, dropping their packs, “Let’s just lay in the shade a moment.”

Fili sprawled across the ground in the dim shade, his eyes closing. Kili fell down beside him with a sigh, “You going to join us? It’s lovely down here,” Kili asked.

“Oh, I don’t know,” It was probably coolest on the ground but you weren’t sure you should be laying on the ground like a slug.

“Come on,” He swept his arm across the ground next to him, “Only a few minutes, and then we’ll go look for a river.”

“Fine,” You sat down beside him but only leaned back on your hands, stretching your legs in front of you.

“Uncle seemed in quite a mood,” Kili said to his brother.

“Yes, well, you know how he is,” Fili grinned, “He gets mad even when the weather doesn’t obey him.”

“Hmm,” You sounded, looking over to a very grumpy looking Thorin, “I don’t think it’s the weather.”

“Oh, it’s not?” Kili turned to you.

“No, he’s mad at me,” You examined your crumbling sole, “He hates that I’m on this journey and he hates that I’m friends with you two.”

“What? That’s crazy,” Kili replied, “He’s a testy old man but he wouldn’t be mad about you. If he had a problem, you would not have made it so far.”

“Really?” You looked at Thorin once more,  _why was he glaring at you again?_

“Yes, really,” Fili assured you, finally sitting up, “Trust us, we know him. It’s not you.”

“Besides, he’d be a real orc’s ass if her were angry after you saved him like you did,” Kili gave a warm smile.

“I didn’t save him,” You insisted, “Let’s go find that river if we can.”

You stood and dusted of your pants, Fili pushed himself off the ground and helped his brother to his feet. They led you into the trees and you began to explore the top of the hill, hoping their was some source of water near. Once you had began traversing the edges, you had spotted a river at the bottom of the hill to the west. It was a ways down but it would be worth the trip to wash the mildew from your tunic and even splash some water on your face.

“We’re not going down there,” The brothers looked at each other, although their expressions held some secret.

“Come on, it won’t be that bad,” You argued.

“No, I’m too tired for that,” Fili protested.

“And I’d make it down, but not back up,” Kili commented, putting his hand on his brother’s shoulder as he turned back for camp.

“Alright, well, I’m going alone then,” You said to their backs and they turned back.

“Fine, it’s your problem if you’re stuck down there,” They warned although something about them seemed unconcerned, even happy.

“Don’t worry yourselves,” You grumbled turning back to the decline, “Just think of the cool water as you lay in the dirt without any.”

* * *

“Oh, Mahal, Kili,” Fili laughed as they got back to camp, “You would not believe the look on his face.”

“He was glaring at me?” Kili smiled.

“Yes, he looked like he was going to impale you,” Fili laughed, “His own nephew.”

“It would explain the shove,” Kili touched his shoulder where his uncle had jarred him

“Where is he anyways?” They looked around the camp before they found him, he had his back to them, facing away from the rest.

“He must be pouting because she didn’t fall into his arms when he gave her the coin,” Fili chuckled.

“Well, she’s not that type,” Kili joked.

“Or maybe,” Fili’s laughter died, “He saw us leave with her. His mind is probably going crazy.”

“Oh no, brother,” Kili nearly laughed again, “What have we done?”

“Not to worry, we’ve the perfect opportunity,” Fili looked at his uncle, “He asks where she is, we’ll say she’s taking care of her lady business or whathaveyou and then we tell him about the river.”

“The river?” Kili’s eyes shone, “That’s what you were trying to tell me.”

“Yes, the river,” Fili repeated, “He seems like he needs a break and I’m sure he’ll jump at the chance to get away from us.”

“But, will it work?” Kili looked at his brother’s gleaming eyes, “He could go down there and she could be less than responsive. He’s not as tactful as us.”

“Oh, it will work,” Fili grinned again, “If he’s like to kill you over a laugh, I’d say he’d as soon say something stupid around her.”

* * *

You pulled off your dampened tunic and threw it in the river, stretching your arms before you knelt to begin working the fabric. You grabbed the thick, sodden garment and made sure to soak it through with the cool river water. You squeezed out the water before submerging it again, splashing the front of your undershirt in the process. You repeated the action a few times before content with your work.

You turned and hung your shirt across a large round stone, the water dripping a dark gray down its edges. You looked down at your pathetic boots as you stepped painfully on a stone and cursed under your breath. You went back to the river and splashed a little water on your face, wiping the cool residue on your bare arms. A twig snapped behind you from the trees and you whipped around.

“Who’s there?” You looked to the short swords you had foolishly left beside the round rock where your shirt was drying.

“It is only me,” The deep voice made your heart sink.

“Oh,” Was all you could say as you crossed your legs, staying at the edge of the river, sweeping your hand through the waters. You had been ecstatic to spend some time at the river, but now that the angry dwarf had come, you supposed you would have to suffer his glares. He had as much right to the river as you.

“Long day,” He commented as he knelt a few feet away, “River must feel nice.”

“It’s alright,” You began to unlace your shabby boots, “Water’s better than the air.”

A tense silence ensued as you removed your boots and stockings and rolled up your pant legs, you would not be leaving on his account. You laid your legs in over the riverbed, the cool water sent a pleasant shiver up your spine. You stared into the reflections of the rippling surface, trying to ignore the glare you could feel coming from the king.

You looked across the water and saw his rippled image in spirals across the surface, he was pulling off his tunic. You returned your gaze to the nearer waves as you moved your legs to create more. You heard him splashing water against his face, looking over to seem him rubbing the cold water across his bare, hair-trimmed chest.

“You must be sore,” He looked over and you averted your eyes, “Walking in those.” He gestured to your boots.

“I make do,” You muttered, “Always have.”

“Though you seemed happy enough,” His voice had less of its usual fire, “My nephews can be quite entertaining.”

“They’re nice,” You admitted,  _a lot nicer than him._

“And Kili?” His words seemed nervous, “You like him?”

“He’s my friend,” You said to the water.

“Friend?” You looked over as he raised his eyebrow doubtfully.

"Look, if you think I’m out to ensnare your nephew like some shrew, you can rest assured that I am only here to reclaim the Mountain,” You sneered back at him; you had known it all along.

Another awkward silence followed and you felt ready to leave. Yet, the water was cool and the sky had not darkened much.

“You’re not?” He sat down beside you, closer than before, you hadn’t even heard him move.

He began to undo his own boots, seemingly with the same idea as you. You looked back to the water, thinking to yourself as he put his own feet in the water.

“No, of course not,” You splashed the water with your foot, “But if you want me stop talking to him, I would understand.”

“You can do as you please,” He replied and you frowned.

“Oh, I can?” You retorted, “All while you resent my very presence.”

“What?” His voice was surprised, “I don’t resent you.”

“You don’t have to lie,” You looked at him with angry acceptance, “You have many a man who can do everything I can better. I am dead weight.”

“No, you’re not,” He insisted, the wet tips of his hair dragged across his shoulder, “Do you really think that you are?”

“I am,” You kept his gaze, hiding the pain of the confession, “I see the way you glare at me. I don’t even need to say or do anything, I just have to be.”

“[Y/N],” He said, taken aback, looking down at the water.

“What?” You narrowed your eyes at him, “All I did was stab an orc about to smash in your head. That’s all, alright? Isn’t that what I’m here to do?”

“Listen to me, you are not useless. You are anything but,” His eyes returned to yours pleadingly, “And I don’t glare.”

“Oh no?” You thinned your lips.

“No, I stare,” He corrected and his eyes glittered, “Because there is nothing else to look at.”

“What?” You looked across the water before turning back.

“I won’t if it makes you so uncomfortable,” He offered, “I never intended to do so. To be honest, I don’t realize when I’m doing it.”

“I—why?” You couldn’t look away from his eyes, somehow they looked like he was telling the truth.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman so…determined,” He seemed to fight for his words, “The way you fight, I would hate to be your enemy, though it seems I have made myself so.”

“No, your are my king,” You looked down, “I am here to fight for you.”

“And the way you stare into the fire,” He seemed to be lost in thought, though his eyes were focused on you, “The way the flame remains even when there is no fire,” Your mind struggled to form a response, but you had never been skilled with words, “And when you laugh.”

You searched his face, looking for the joke behind it.

“I hadn’t seen the sight until last night, but it was worth the wait,” His hand was on yours, “Though, when you frown or scowl or glare back at me, it is just as sweet.”

Your eyes were wide and you felt your heart racing.

“Even now, I could not imagine a greater sight than your face,” You could swear that he was closer than before, “So, I would say that I do not resent you at all. I only resent that I have made you feel as if I do.”

“Oh, those bastards,” You mumbled and he retreated a few inches with confused eyes, “Who told you about the river?”

“Fili, but why–” He seemed to get the idea.

“We’ve been set up,” You realized and you pulled a sweaty strand of hair away from your neck.

“Then, I suppose I should thank them when I get back,” His mind didn’t stray for long.

“For what?” You asked.

“This,” He kissed you and you thought of pulling back, but had no strength.

Instead you let him kiss you and you kissed him back, your arm found its way across his neck and his around your waist. You were trying to think but your mouth was distracting you. Only minutes ago you had been sure Thorin hated you and now you were kissing him and he was kissing you.

“Is that enough for you to believe me?” He pulled away finally, his face dazed.

“Um,” Your lips felt puffy but delightful, “I don’t know.” You looked back to the water, “I think you may have to convince me a little more.”

He suddenly stood up in the water and before you could understand, he was pulling you up by your hands into the water. The water soaked the bunched ends of your pants but you didn’t mind. It was refreshing and so was he. He pulled you against him and he kissed you again, he held you tighter than before as if you would float away.

“Believe me now?” He detached once more.

“Is the water cold?’ You asked with a grin as you nudged him backwards, he fell back into the deeper part of the water.

"Yes, it is,” He splashed you and you giggled.

“I believe you,” You exclaimed as he splashed you again.

“Good,” He stood, dripping with water, pulling you to him.

You braced yourself for another kiss but it never came. Instead, he scooped you up before you realized what he was thinking and he dropped you into the water.

“Is the water cold?” He echoed you earlier remark as you broke the surface.

“It’s perfect,” You jumped onto him and the two of you fell back into the depths with laughter.


End file.
